Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
