There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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