I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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