Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
