Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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