I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
