I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
