it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
