She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
