All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
