Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
