just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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