I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
