You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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