the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
