bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
