I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
