Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
