I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
