Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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