I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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