whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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