Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
