The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
