is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
