Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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