i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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