his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
