you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
