Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
