I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
