respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
