did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
