When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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