Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
