NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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