my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
