on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
