God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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