So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
