i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize