just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
