Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
