I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
