I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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