I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
