who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
