Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
