I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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