dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
