I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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