He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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