I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
