A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
