I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My pussy is not your playground.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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