Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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