I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
