Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
