Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
