she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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