That's intense
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There r osticjed everywhere
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
