sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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