I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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