Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
