I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
