So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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