Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
