I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
