I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
