I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
