What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
