Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
