i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
