We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize