Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Come see our sink grown plant.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
