blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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