11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize