Four minutes until I can fart!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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