I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
