Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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