I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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