well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
