Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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